Five years ago, a sweet eyed boy looked at me through the front window of our house, crying and pleading for a “red car ride” as I drove off to work. Translation: don’t leave me – take me with you in our red car. While I had my dream of becoming a mother, I had not anticipated the emotional vacuum that would come from leaving my children each morning. It has proven my most difficult transition. Work was my identity and a source of great satisfaction. When my oldest was born, that satisfaction changed. With his birth came an intense desire for work that was profoundly meaningful to me (aligned with my values) AND looked different from the standard 40 hour work week. I found that work and combined with heartbreak, a vision for how life would be changed five years out, on my terms, was also born. I had no idea how I was going to make that vision a reality but I wrote it down. Without that vision, I am not certain where I would be today and that terrifies me.

Vision can be intimidating, larger than life, foreign. Vision is something that fortune 500 companies create, not the average working mom. Actually…children use vision daily when they have ideas about what they expect from the day. Teachers use vision when they have a definitive learning outcome for their students. Working moms NEED vision, for themselves, for their families.

High-achieving working moms are achievement oriented, competitive, driven. High-achieving working moms struggle to integrate work and home effectively and confidently as they are continually striving to be mindful mother and consummate professional. The pace, logistics, emotions, volume of conflicting priorities keeps many working moms in a mode of getting by and surviving instead of thriving and excelling. When the outcome or the bottom line, isn’t clearly envisioned by you, how do you create relevant goals for forward movement? Without a vision for your best work-home integration, you will get somewhere but most likely somewhere that falls short of your full potential and happiness. Working moms NEED vision!

Vision is a comprehensive, united picture which connects your values (priorities) to specific and measurable goals. If vision is a photograph of what you want your future life to look like, what details are present in that photograph – where are you, what are you doing, who are you with, what matters to you? Your vision is a constant presence, reminding you of what you are building and why that matters. Your vision serves as your guide and keeps you focused in your decisions, priorities, and relationships.

If starting this conversation feels difficult, know that you are not alone. Stop trying to go it alone. Get help, work with a coach.

Get CLARITY.
Get clear on what you need and want for your best integration of work and home:

What do I need and want in my life? What do I value?

Am I living a life in alignment with my priorities?

When I am eighty years old, what will I say about the life I lived and how it reflected my priorities?

Recognize CHOICE.
Explore choices, possibilities and options for the purpose of making positive, forward moving change. Ask yourself:

What assumptions am I making about change that don’t serve me well?

What are the possibilities?

What options can I create?

Direct CHANGE.
Let go of old behaviors and identify which new ways of being now serve you as you move forward in your best vision for work and home. Identify:

What in my life requires a plan for change?

What resources do I need?

What are my goals in support of my vision, when will I complete these goals, and who can help me?

Five years out, is life ideal? No but on it’s way, for which I am appreciative, and there is still more. Are there new options, yet imagined possibilities? Absolutely – always! The work now is defining the vision for the next five years out.

Planes don’t fly without a specific destination to ensure that they arrive at a destination with speed, ease and accuracy. Ships sail with navigational equipment so that they don’t get lost in the vast expanse of sea, aimless and dangerously adrift. Without a destination, how do you begin to plan your route? Without a destination, you might arrive somewhere but is it where you really want to go? Live with intention…align your vision with your values (priorities), needs and wants, in service of yourself, in service of your family.

© 2009 Lisa B. Montgomery

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete text with it: Lisa B. Montgomery, PCC, founder of Three C Coaching, is a professional coach who partners with high-achieving working moms to integrate work and home with confidence and success. Lisa is a working mom who “has been there and gets it” (15+ years corporate experience), writer, workshop leader, graduate of the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara, and PCC designated by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Filed under: Change and Transition, Coaching, Happiness, Parenting, Working Mom by lisamon
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Work-life balance is a myth and a dangerous one at that. Work-life balance is a utopia that in all reality doesn’t exist, creating feelings of inadequacy when we can’t make it transpire in our own lives. Working moms in particular are bombarded with messages urging them to aspire for this elusive balance; I see it regularly when coaching working moms with their personal and professional development goals. When we can’t get the balance, we feel overwhelmed, stressed, and consumed with guilt. We become overly self-critical because “why can’t we get this right?”

The problem? Balance implies equal weight, “equal in amount, weight, value or importance as between two things or the parts of a thing. ” It’s simply a mathematical equation. There are only so many hours in the day, only so many days in the week and we have to factor in sleep time and meals. We cannot make each of our roles the priority simultaneously. We simply cannot have a “to-do” list with all tasks first on the list.

Working moms struggle as they are constantly endeavoring in their career, striving to be a mindful mother, striving to stay connected in relationships, and working to keep bringing home the bacon. The pace of endeavoring, striving and working makes it difficult to stop and question, reflect, challenge. Many days are about, “just keep going.” Going is survival – keep head above water.

Complicating the challenge to live a “balanced” life is that high-achieving working moms are driven, achievement oriented, competitive, and desire to be the first point of contact for their children’s schools, caregivers, etc. These two desires don’t always align, especially when a working mom is on a business trip across the country. It can be excruciating place to be, this vortex.

So, stop talking about balance. Start talking about integration. Integration, “combining or forming parts into a whole.” There is no requirement for equality of parts. The parts may be various sizes and shapes but the focus is on making a whole. Yes, integration is certainly messier but isn’t life messy by nature? Rarely is life tied up neatly with a red bow. Start by changing the conversation so that you begin to think about the parts which comprise the roles and responsibilities of your life. Be honest about YOUR truth – which role is the priority, for the day or always.

Get clear about where compromises can be made and absolutely not made – create an integrated life where all the parts come together and stop striving for the elusive perfect balance. If the size of the parts aren’t clear, think about where you need to be a 10 (connection and presence with your children, career, relationships, or) and where you need to be a 7 (domestic accolades won’t mean much 30 years from now). Where can you make compromises that help you to create an integrated life in which all of your roles and responsibilities work together to make a whole you.

Get Clarity.
What do I know to be true about my values, my priorities? Is my life aligned according to my priorities? How do I define MY work-life integration? What must I have in my life in order to feel fulfilled?

Recognize Choice.
What choices (possibilities) are there? What assumptions am I making about what I think cannot change? How might my value system help me sort through my choices? What is at stake if I don’t pursue MY desired work-life integration?

Direct Change.
Commit to letting go of old behaviors, decide which new ways of being now serve YOUR work-life integration. Define necessary resources, and create a plan to get what you want. Act in support of you. Ask for the help you need!

There is no expectation of perfect balance. You define how to combine work and life, without apology or justification. Manage work and life with confidence and success by realizing what is true for YOU. Change is possible – Design a life of integrated parts which create the whole of you, reflective of your priorities, values and desires.

© 2009 Lisa B. Montgomery

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete text with it: Lisa B. Montgomery, PCC, founder of Three C Coaching, is a professional coach who partners with high-achieving working moms to manage work and home with confidence and success. Lisa is passionate about the inherent opportunity in transition and believes that transition for the working mom is particularly complex, requiring resilience, clarity of values, new ways of thinking and intentional choices. Lisa is a working mom who “has been there and gets it” (15+ years corporate experience), writer, leadership coach, workshop leader, graduate of the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara, and PCC designated by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Filed under: Coaching, Happiness, Personal Development, Working Mom by lisamon
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This past weekend was my 5 year-old’s inaugural entry into soccer and team sports. My husband and I were curious to see what would happen. As the firstborn he is naturally comfortable with adults, curious, inquisitive, funny, sensitive, talkative, enthusiastic. That said, he is cautious when approaching groups of children, especially children he doesn’t know.

What I watched was a kid who threw himself with wild abandon into a new situation with other kids he never met in a sport he hadn’t played before and went after that ball at every turn. I saw his competitive spirit live and his achievement aspirations all over the field.

What I appreciated though was how children don’t have preconceived notions of failure. It never occurred to him that he may go out and miss the ball, fall down, get hurt. He was “new” but he went out and had the time of his life!

We grown-ups often despise being “new” whether it be a new job, new career, new learning, new relationship. We want to go out on the field knowing everything and everyone. And if we don’t know it all, thoughts of failure, embarrassment, inadequacy come tumbling in. Imagine the impact of going into that next new situation with wild abandon, forgoing all thoughts and stories of failure?

As always, children are our best teachers. It was beautiful and inspiring to watch and serves as my inspiration the next time I am “new,” which is sure to be soon. Thanks E – I love you!

Filed under: Coaching, Courage, Empowerment, Parenting by lisamon
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I began this blog in 2009 with the best of intentions and yet, I have been far less than prolific in my postings. It has often felt like a walk through the mud, as you see, I am introverted and as such it is not in my nature to talk (or blog) excessively. A few days ago I heard something that resonated and serves as new motivation. I cannot even remember who said it but he said, “I write to know what I am thinking.” This is it – This is me! I need to write as it helps me sort through my opinions, organize my perspectives, understand what it is that I am thinking. Writing gives me energy. Writing makes me feel alive. This year, 2010, I have renewed commitment to blog, blog with purpose that is. And, to transparency, forsaking safe editing for real, honest, truth. I hope that you will come along on the journey, share the journey, tell me about yourself, share your beliefs, hopes, desires for the year ahead.

As a professional coach who works with transition, specifically working mom transitions, and because I am a working mom myself, and because I was raised by an amazing working mom, working moms have a very special place in my heart. I will share my experiences, beliefs, and inspirations around the integration of work and home, the experience and emotions of the working mom, my hopes for a more family friendly corporate America where the request for an accommodation is appreciated instead of feared, and the notion that work-life balance is a myth as balance implies equality of weight in all areas of one’s life. Maybe we should be striving for harmony in work and home rather than balance as harmony reflects a consistent and pleasing arrangement of parts (congruity).

My hope is for a 2010 filled with moments of joy that take my breath away. My expectation is a year of connecting, writing, transparency, purpose, fun, contribution, and achievement.

May this year be all that you need, want, desire, demand, create!

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Before Black Friday, somewhere around Halloween, it started: the endless, infinite, lists for Santa. I cannot help but notice how the list comes effortlessly, endlessly and with such great detail. “I want the blue Lightening Mcqueen bling bling car with red rims – not blue rims!” As they follow me around the house offering daily, sometimes hourly updates, it can be maddening. And yet, there is beauty in the purity of the want and the asking.

I recently had a conversation with a working mom who is a leader of people and regularly asks her staff what they want. It is second nature for her to have conversations with others about wants for career or life, and yet, she is totally unpracticed at considering her own wants. While achievement oriented, life for her has been primarily about making the most and succeeding at what life has given her, not what she has asked or demanded of life. I watch and notice her ambition, drive, directness, insight, and I wonder what could be if the question of want was directed towards herself?

We start off so easily answering the question, “what do you want” and yet end up being overwhelmed and challenged to answer later in life. In our youth we are so certain, about everything. As we age, what we once knew becomes something to doubt and question. “What do you want?” Such a simple, direct question to ask and yet the answer is not always so simple, it is complicated – or is it? Truthfully, the question isn’t so complicated. The answers and requisite change are complicated, and on some level we understand this which is why we cleverly distract ourselves from considering the question in the first place.

Working moms are even more challenged to answer the question of want simply because they rarely slow down long enough to consider the question. So, working moms, “what do you want?”

Maybe you want to go back to school and earn the degree you regret not completing;
Maybe you want a more purposeful career which means completely rethinking your life;
Maybe you want to ask for a change in how you work that will bring sanity to your family;
Maybe you want a car that is impractical for the family but it represents freedom to you; or,
Maybe you want to ask for help and that just may be the hardest thing to ask for

Get Clarity.
What do I know to be true about what I want, what I desire? What do I need to let go of in order to truly consider my own wants? What must I have in my life in order to feel fulfilled?

Recognize Choice.
What choices (possibilities) are there? How might my value system help me sort through my choices? Whose support do I need? What is at stake if I don’t pursue what I want?

Direct Change.
Commit to letting go of old behaviors, decide which new ways of being now serve you, define necessary resources, and create a plan to get what you want. Act in support of you.

What would happen if you stopped long enough to consider your wants and then used your innate courage and strength to make your wants known to others? What might happen? You might not get what you want and then you have a decision to make about what to do next – is that okay, can you accept a compromise or will it become a regret? Or, you just might actually get what you want. Amazingly enough, much of the time we get what we want when we just ask. Consider the times you didn’t ask for what you want? Any missed opportunities? It isn’t important to tally the misses but instead recognize them for the purpose of initiating change.

Considering, deciding and acting for what you want is not indicative of selfishness. It is taking care of yourself as well as you take care of others. It is leadership – internal, self leadership. If this conversation feels foreign or difficult to begin, get help. Work with a coach to understand and accept your truths, gain perspective, sort through choices, and create a plan to get going towards what it is that you really want. When your wants are taken care of, you have greater capacity for all roles and responsibilities in your life. Begin 2010 with a mindset of self-leadership: what wants will you pursue, ask for, demand, on behalf of you?

Filed under: Coaching, Empowerment, Happiness, Personal Development, Self-Esteem, Working Mom by lisamon
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Do you overparent? Are your children overscheduled? Why does it matter?

Time Magazine’s most recent issue includes an article about overparenting. A must read! www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395-2,00.html

It speaks to the perils of overparenting, the function of boredom, the value of play, and the necessity of listening to instinct.

“People feel there’s somehow a secret formula for parenting, and if we just read enough books and spend enough money and drive ourselves hard enough, we’ll find it, and all will be O.K….Parents need to block out the sound and fury from the media and other parents, find that formula that fits your family best.”

Read it for yourself!

Filed under: Parenting, Working Mom by lisamon
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Last weekend I took my regular trip to the hair salon. If you know me well, you know that this is a trip I take begrudgingly. In the three hours it takes to cut and color my hair, there are other things I could take care of, all in an effort to cross something off the never ending “to do” list. Or I could do something really fun. And, certainly there is a more sensible way to spend that money. Yet, I know that I feel great when I’m done and this feeling stays with me until the next trip.

I happened to see another working mom who had both of her children with her at the salon. Now every mom would agree that bringing a 4 month old and a 3 year old to the salon is not a preference. I was impressed on several fronts but what I was most impressed with was her commitment to herself. She could have canceled her appointment when she realized the scheduling conflict. Instead she kept her appointment, putting herself first. You may interpret this moment many ways. To me, it speaks volumes about the challenges that moms, especially working moms, must overcome and the commitment necessary to do for self.

Somewhere along the way we learned that doing for ourselves is selfish maybe even something to feel shameful about, guilty about. Perhaps we learned this from our parents or maybe our religious beliefs tell us so or maybe being of service is inherent in the work we do or innate to our personality or some combination of the above. And, if you are a mom, well that just complicates the whole conversation.

We often put ourselves second, to everything else. It requires us to say “no” more often and say “no” to those we love. Saying “no” is hard. I have seen this time and time again, especially from working moms. It’s been me, often, and it’s something that I have to continue to work at. This quote by Tenneva Jordan captures the dilemma perfectly, “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” You see, working moms have a difficult time justifying, rationalizing, accepting, time away from their children for something as seemingly superficial as the salon, because they already spend the majority of their week away from their children. It can be excruciating…to say “yes” to anything, no matter how much we want or need it, that takes us away from our children because we know what is waiting for us when we walk in that door – bright eyes, big hugs and wet kisses.

Somewhere along the way we also confused being in service of others to mean self-sacrifice at every turn. While there are various explanations as to how we arrived at this understanding, I am certain it’s problematic. Consider a bank metaphor. If the bank were to give money out continuously, without receiving deposits, the bank would run out of money. Human beings have a maximum capacity as well. There comes an end point when nothing is being deposited and all is taken: burnout. Burnout for the working mom often looks like a mom who returns home irritable, short tempered, tired and overwhelmed, instead of loving, patient, and present.

If you find yourself uncertain of how exactly you like to recharge your battery…

Get Clarity or Discover. What gives you energy? What do you imagine would give you energy? What could you try?

Recognize Choice or Decide. Make the decision to do something for yourself. Decide on any one item from your discovery.

Direct Change or Do. Take action:
take the walk alone allowing you time to think, reflect, plan
take the favorite spinning class that leaves you energized
take the friends weekend away in wine country
take the long overdue massage
take the night class you’ve always been interested in or go back to school
make the walk in the salon doors because it makes you feel good
say “yes” to yourself

Discover, Decide, Do that which gives you energy because giving to yourself IS giving to your family.

Or, you can continue to neglect yourself. Make that choice intentionally though as there will be a cost. That cost may come next week or three months from now or five years from now. The cost may be nominal or it may be high. It may be emotional or it may be physiological or both. None of this matters because what matters most is that you know there will be a cost for not being “selfish” here and there and taking care of yourself as only you now how.

© 2009 Lisa B. Montgomery

Filed under: Coaching, Personal Development, Self-Esteem, Working Mom by lisamon
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Over the course of my life I’ve only occasionally thought about the notion of courage, mostly the appreciation of it in others. More often than not, I’ve taken courage for granted as simply existing. Not until I was required to call upon my own courage did I really stop to consider what courage means, how courage is cultivated, and during what times we call upon it. Only now do I have a true appreciation and respect for courage, and only now do I see the inherent beauty.

Just last week I was talking to my mom friend who is also a professional working outside the home and she was describing her opportunity to participate in a learning program that would not only further her career, but allow her to pursue a long-standing passion. Sounds great, right? Not so simple. Committing to a learning program, beyond standard work hours, was an excruciating consideration for her as it meant more nights away, weekends studying instead of playing with kids, and challenges to household logistics (additional child care, school commitments, extracurricular activities, and the list goes on).

Ask a working mom about the difficulty in making time available to learn, relax, read a book, follow a passion, fulfill a desire, or meet a deep seated need, and she will tell you it is difficult, painful at times, for some even physically painful. You see, moms who work outside the home, whether by choice or necessity, often struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, conflict, worry, anxiety and overwhelm.

It takes courage for a working mom…

to lead a team when she knows her three year old is home with the flu
to pursue training and education when she knows it will take her away from Saturday soccer games
to leave the house every morning when her two year old is crying for her to stay
to design a life in alignment with her needs and desires, even when that design will cause hurt and pain to others
to work late in order to finish the critical project at the expense of tucking her kids in to bed
to go to work because she loves her career while feeling judgment from others
to take a time out for self because there is always someone else who needs her care
to go to work every day even though she fears that she isn’t 100% at work or 100% at home
to silence the inner critic that tells her she isn’t living up to her roles and responsibilities
to rely on others and ask for help
to answer the internal call that tells her there is more to life and that something is missing…

More often than not we stand in judgment of the working mom rather than appreciating all that it takes to walk out the door every morning. Many a working mom does so willingly as she values the intellectual stimulation she gets from work, the achievement of leading a team, the feeling of contribution to an organization, the ability to serve as a role model for her children, and the opportunity to earn an income of her own. Whether a mom works out of desire or whether she works out of necessity, every working mom needs courage. Courage is…to have the courage of one’s convictions…the courage to do what one thinks is right…the attitude of facing and dealing with anything recognized as dangerous, difficult, or painful, instead of withdrawing from it.

I’ve been there – I get it. As a mom to two young boys, I’ve made the maternity leave transition to and from a corporate environment, twice – I understand the emotions, the concerns, the excitement, the dread and everything in between. I experienced the two year old at the window, crying, asking to go on a red car ride which really meant, “Momma, don’t leave, take me with you in our red car,” and thought my heart was literally going to break in half. It takes courage to be a working mom.

How can a working mom ensure that her courage tank is full?

Build A Network. Find other working moms within your organization, in your neighborhood, at the pediatrician’s office, at your child’s school. Build a network which can facilitate the sharing of emotions, the sharing of information and working mom tips, the encouragement to be your best you, and the sharing of struggles, trials and tribulations of being a working mom.

Ask For Help – Get Support. I realize this is tough for most mothers and especially the working mom, and yet, you’ve got to ask for help and get the support you need. There is no medal for doing it all on your own, and there isn’t a reward for going it alone. Remember the saying, “it takes a village,” and this isn’t any reflection on your competency, rather a reflection of the fullness of your plate and the desire of others to help.

Take Time Away For Yourself. How do you fill the courage tank – what recharges your battery? Is it reading a book, a run, dinner with friends, a class, a massage? Determine how to best recharge your battery and take the time, for yourself and everyone who loves you.

If you are a working mom, get the support you need.

If you know a working mom, help her get the support she needs.

When we working moms continue to call upon our courage, without taking care of ourselves, the bank runs out and we slowly begin to fade away. We loose our voice and face spending years digging out of not knowing self.

Filed under: Change and Transition, Coaching, Courage, Happiness, Personal Development, Self-Esteem by lisamon
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I was recently reading an article when I found myself drawn to a specific question, “What has life taught you?” I share some of my learnings thus far…

Change is certain and inevitable. Life IS change so regard change as opportunity rather than something to be feared.

Life is not always black and white, it is messy and gray. Embrace the gray.

Live by your values as they are the core of you.

If you give permission to someone else, you have given away your personal authority.

All personal growth and development happens in relationship with others.

Everyone has a story and a story deserving to be told, out loud.

We all have choices; make intentional choices.

Children are often our greatest teachers, if we just slow down and listen.

Optimism is to the human spirit what water and sun are to the garden.

Always be true to yourself in what you feel and think. Express yourself, regardless of the discomfort or dreaded pain that may result, because the tumbling out of those feelings, thoughts, needs and desires will eventually come, and will be even more painful from having been stuffed inside.

The only thing we can truly control is ourselves. How we behave, how we treat others, what stories we tell ourselves…

No one person can be everything you need. Get what you need from where you need it (spouse, family, friends, colleagues). Appreciate relationships with even exchange and make changes in unhealthy relationships which violate your values, boundaries, needs and desires.

Learning is life long. There is no endpoint, no final destination, unless you have stopped living.

Finding purpose is essential to finding peace within self. There is no one purpose. The only “right” purpose is that which is “right” for you and reflects your passion.

How about you…What has life taught you?

Filed under: Change and Transition, Coaching, Empowerment, Personal Development by lisamon
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What is transition? How is it different from change or is it different? Why does it matter? In fact, change and transition are different. Change and transition are also related. Change is a word whose definition we tend to more easily understand: “to make something different.” Transition is a bit more complex: “a movement, development, or evolution from one form or stage to another.”

William Bridges captures the definition best in his book “Transitions Making Sense of Life’s Changes,” when he says,

“Change is your move to a new city or your shift to a new job. It is the birth of your new baby or the death of your father…In other words, change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner re-orientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life…Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t ‘take.’”

Sometimes change comes first, initiating a transition. Take for example relocation. You just moved across the country or far enough North, South, East, West to feel like a big move. You are learning a new career or a different job, creating a new community, meeting new friends, trying to find a new doctor, dentist, drycleaner… You are starting over. While the move came first, the letting go of an old life (transition) followed in service of creating the new life, the new you.

Sometimes transition comes first, requiring a change. Take for example, again, relocation. Maybe the change, the relocation, was initiated by an internal want. Maybe the need for something different or more was so strong that it was the catalyst for your decision to relocate, to pursue a different career or new job or new place to live.

Bottom line, change is typically external and situational whereas transition is internal, involving a letting go of an old way of being and behaving so that a new, more relevant you can emerge.

Many of us feel tremendous change and transition right now because of the instability felt in the world at large and yet, transition has always been (and will always be) a part of our lives. We transition from the bottle to a cup, from a crib to a big bed, from home to school, from childhood to adolescence, to college, to career, to marriage, to parent, to health issues big and small, to changing careers, to changing friendships, to empty nest, to divorce, to death, to parents of our parents – the list goes on.

The way in which we know ourselves fades, is no longer wholly relevant and so we must create a new identity which incorporates this change or new situation. In every transition there is an ending (who we were) and a subsequent beginning (who we will be) and in between a very messy period. This isn’t to say that every fiber of our being changes, it doesn’t as likely our value system is static.

In the mess or gray area comes opportunity. We often shy away from the mess because it’s unclear, uncertain, unstructured, well, just plain messy. And yet, if we reframe our understanding and thinking, the messiness can be an opportunity for creativity, for considering new possibilities and new ways of being. There really is opportunity in change, and that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Transition is difficult. How difficult? The level of difficulty is impacted by the significance of the change, our innate temperament, attitude, and resiliency, as well as our learned methods for stress management. Whether you realize that you are in the middle of a transition or whether something about your life simply feels “off,” what do you do?

Get Clarity.
What do I know to be true? What am I feeling? What behaviors no longer fit or serve me? What do I need to let go of…about what I’ve believed or assumed, about how I’ve always been or seen myself? What do I want most out of life?

Recognize Choice.
What choices (possibilities) do I have surrounding this change or situation? How might my value system help me sort through the choices? What might I do to create a new, more relevant me?

Direct Change.
Commit to letting go of old behaviors, decide which new ways of being now serve you, define necessary resources, and create a plan to implement. Act, in support of the new you required of this transition.

The danger in neglecting the internal transition is becoming someone who moves from change to change. This is the person who moves from relationship to relationship or from job to job, using change to avoid transition. This is the person who leaves a job abruptly complaining about the terrible manager rather than stopping to notice a career pattern, rather than looking to see what it is about oneself that continues to find such bosses (or relationships), again and again.

Life brings us two constants, change and transition. Change will only intensify as we travel through the 21st century. How do you want to deal with the lifetime of change and transition ahead? What if you considered change from a perspective of optimism and opportunity? What if you entered into transition being more planful and intentional? Or, what if you decide to simply move from change to change without ever really taking a moment to reflect on the impact, or the necessary transition, preferring to react to the external world and ignore your internal world? Do you wash and wax your car and completely ignore the engine? You decide.

© 2009 Lisa B. Montgomery

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete text with it: Lisa B. Montgomery, founder of Three C Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach who partners with individuals and groups to navigate personal and professional transitions with success through intentional actions. Get what you want most out of life by getting Clarity, recognizing Choice and directing Change. www.threeccoaching.com.

Filed under: Change and Transition, Coaching by lisamon
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